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Not Smarter Than a Fourth-Grader

December 11, 2013 By Aliza Worthington 17 Comments

This morning on the way to school, my fourth-grader and I had the following conversation.

Him:  Did you know sloths move so slowly that sometimes they mistake their arm for a branch, reach for it, and then fall to their deaths?

Me:  Sloths have arms?

Him:  Yeah!  Of course they do.

Me:  Sloths don’t have arms.

Him:  (disbelievingly) Yes, Mom!  They have REALLY LONG ARMS!

Me:  No, they don’t.

Him:  Yes, they do!

Me:  They do not.

Him:  (patiently) Mom.  I’m talking about SLOTHS.  S-L-O-T-H-S.

Me:  I know what you’re talking about.  Sloths.  Sloths don’t have arms.  Do they?

Him:  (exasperated) YES!  Sloths have arms!!!  S-L-O-T-H-S!

Me:  Stop SPELLING it.  I KNOW what you’re talking about!  Sloths have arms?  I never knew that!

Him:  (disbelievingly) HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT???

Me:  I really think they don’t.  I’ll have to look it up when I get home.  That’s really interesting.

*****

You see, that entire time HE was talking about sloths, he saw this animal in his mind.

images

The entire time I was talking about sloths, and insisting he didn’t need to SPELL it out for me, I was seeing this animal in my mind.

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Unknown-1

 

In my defense, they are both very slow-moving animals.

 

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Filed Under: Happiness, Life Tagged With: Fourth-graders, Kids, parenting, sloths

Comments

  1. donofalltrades says

    December 11, 2013 at 11:53 am

    Yikes, now there’s a brain fart for you!! I admire your boy’s confidence in sticking to what he knew to be true. He’ll need that in life seeing as his mother is losing her mind. Lol.

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 11, 2013 at 11:53 am

      Mind = lost loooooong ago. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Leslie F. Miller says

    December 11, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Remind me to sloth you in the arm next time I see you.

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 11, 2013 at 11:55 am

      Okay, but only after I’m done pulling sloths out of a wall from a crime scene.

      Reply
  3. Lauren says

    December 11, 2013 at 11:55 am

    So… What you’re saying is… Even if he spells it, the letters are meaningless. Very funny!

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 11, 2013 at 11:56 am

      By funny, you mean I’m incredibly smart, right?

      Reply
  4. Cynthia @ You Signed Up For What?! says

    December 11, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    I have seen sloths in person and STILL my mind immediately pictured a slug, not a sloth. So I did it too!

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 11, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      THANK you. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Kate Hemmis says

    December 11, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    Holy hilarious, Aliza! You made my day with that one. We have all been there, sister!

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 11, 2013 at 12:54 pm

      Heeeee. Son was in hysterics when the wires finally connected.

      Reply
  6. Max Olivewood says

    December 11, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Well, now! There is a lot worser going on out there than confusing a sloth with a slug. (Wait – that sounds like you used a slug as a device to confuse a sloth!) Anyway, Mr. Santorum confused Obamacare with apartheid, and Ms Palin confused the national debt with slavery, so, in comparison, you done good!

    Reply
  7. postpunkchronicles says

    December 12, 2013 at 12:55 am

    That is 100% awesome.

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 12, 2013 at 8:08 am

      🙂

      Reply
  8. bloggerfather says

    December 13, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    I’m sorry, but neither of these animals is real.

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 13, 2013 at 4:48 pm

      I KNEW IT!

      Reply
  9. Estelle Sobel Erasmus says

    December 18, 2013 at 11:41 pm

    i pictured the first sloth in my mind; isn’t yours a slug:)?

    Reply
    • Aliza @ The Worthington Post says

      December 18, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      Yes. That was my problem.

      Reply

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About Aliza Worthington

Brooklyn-ite at heart, Baltimore in geography, city girl regardless. I aim to elevate the conversation - almost any conversation - though my occasional episodes of sarcasm and profanity don't always have that effect. Come hang out anyway. Usually I'll buy your drink, and I tip really well. Read more >>>

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