The Vagina Connection

I don’t even know if her friends call her “Deb” or “Debbie” or “Deborah.”

I met her online through one of the many Facebook writing groups I’m in, or one of our mutual writer-type friends, I don’t even remember which, at this point. It doesn’t matter. Deborah Goldstein and I, though, have a warm, fuzzy connection, and it may have started with vaginas.

It isn’t that we both have them, though I’m pretty sure we both do. It’s that I became absolutely smitten with her brilliance when I saw a video of her…GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER…performing at a slam poetry event. It was soon after Michigan State Rep. Lisa Brown was banned from speaking on the State House floor because she used the word “vagina” in her speech opposing a restrictive abortion bill, and, well, Deborah took the opportunity to incorporate that bit of ridiculousness into her routine. The main topic was telling her sons the truth about how babies are born, so honestly this bit hit all the sweet spots for me. Parenting, honesty, fighting sexism, shredding forced-birthers, along with hilarious physicality? What’s not to love? (Video is posted at the bottom.)

Quite independent of that inspirational performance, I wrote what I still, to this very day, consider my very best work: “Ode To The Clitoris.” Clearly, ours was a Facebook friendship made in heaven. We did not interact much, though, and had never met in person, much like most online friendships go. I mostly just admired the hell out of her from afar in a borderline fan-girl kind of way, and I knew she was fond of me, too.

Then we were both at BlogHer, either in 2014 or 2015 — I can’t remember — and we had this fleeting interaction in the hallway between sessions, and I have never forgotten how it made me feel. I’m vague on the specifics, but it went something like this:

We recognized each other, hugged and squee-ed that we were actually meeting in person, and she said to me, “I have been thinking about you, and I just have this feeling that really good things are going to happen for you.”

I don’t remember what was going on at that moment, if I was feeling lonely, or having an impostor syndrome moment — those moments are inescapable at conferences for me — but I was down, and I needed to hear that more than she possibly could have known. To hear that she not only thought about me, but was certain I was destined for good things was beyond comforting – it was uplifting when I really needed it.

No exaggeration, that interaction (that she’s likely long forgotten) crosses my mind at least once a week, and I have been wanting to write about its continuing impact for the last four years. But, you know…life intervenes, and just like she said…things have been happening for me, a lot of them good.

So, don’t hold back on the praise if you have it for someone. Don’t be stingy with the encouragement. You have no idea what impact it might have.

Thanks, Deborah, Debbie, Deb, or whatever they call you. You’re the best.